Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Things I Would Recommend a Horse Ought to Do in 2011

Finally go see Tron Legacy. (Skip the original; you’ll figure it out.)

Sink up to your fetlocks in the warm pluff mud of the Carolina coastal plain and shout: “I’m in it now, baby! Right down in it!”

Apologize to donkeys. You have no doubt said some hurtful things in the past.

Take your groomer to lunch. (Someplace nice.) Pick up a sugar cube with your front teeth and gently drop it into your companion’s coffee, all the while rubbing his or her leg under the table with a front hoof.

Learn to operate a motorcycle and ride back and forth in front of my house. (Please!)

If you give carriage rides through Central Park, turn to imaginary camera, shrug, and say: “Eh, it’s a living.”

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