Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ask a Volcano Man!


Because I'm finished with the video and I have this big foam-rubber volcano costume stashed under my steps, I'm introducing a new featurette. It's called "Volcano Men Answer Your Questions about Love, Careers, and the Annihilation of Humankind in the Subterranean Cauldron of Fate." So...you know...ask away! Volcano Men do not judge. The three juiciest questions will win a paperback copy of The Unknown Knowns. Wait, make that two...I have only two copies. But remember: if you have won anything from a Volcano Man in the past 60 days, you are not eligible for this contest.

9 comments:

  1. Oh great Volcano Man what is the best way to prepare yourself for the 2012 apocalypse?

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  2. Prepare? Prepare? Cower behind the frail bulwark of your conscience, humanist dogs! Scant protection will it give! For the angel of the apocalypse comes swiftly on free-market wings! All shall tremble when the Milton Friedman Choir sings the mighty name of Ronicus Paullus! For he shall be our leader! Wait, you mean the presidential election? Or that Mayan thing?

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  3. How many cups of coffee* a day is too much?





    (* with Goldschlager)

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  4. Dear Goldfrappe,
    Ask me again -- after you've spiked your Nescafe with molten gold -- and steamed your frothy Lamia milk over the fuming vents of Vesuvius! But seriously, have you tried switching to Mercuryschlager?
    --VM

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  5. who do i have to blow to get a cup of coffee around here?

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  6. Dear Volcano Man, I'm thinking about working for the Man, doing the U.S. Census thing. I guess it's important. And it would be cool because I could tell my parents I work for "the government," but otherwise I think it sucks.

    What would Volcano Man do? (WWVMD?)

    And how hot is molten lava, really? It looks so inviting. Just wondering.

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  7. Harris,
    Your answer lies in the hollows of Mount Aetna herself. When the giant Enceladus was entombed within her craggy bowels, he petitioned the gods in a very similar manner: "Who does Enceladus need to blow to get out of this place?"he begged. Unfortunately, the answer was Vulcan, blacksmith to Zeus, who was always really sweaty and kind of gross.
    VM

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  8. Dear Tottenville,
    The US Census is admirable work. Your parents will be duly proud of their son. And trust me, they've been having their doubts, especially after that MFA thing. (What was that about?!) I'm speaking as a friend here—but when I put on my "Annihilator of Civilizations" hat, I have to say the census is a very valuable tool. How can you truly lay waste to a society if you don't know the mean travel time to work of employees aged 16 and over?

    Oh, and as they say about molten lava, it isn't the heat, it's the utter humiliation of mankind in a fiery cauldron of anarchic geologic forces!

    Thanks for your questions.
    VM

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  9. Dude, I'm trying to dress up as a Volcano for a party and your costume is pretty awesome. Any suggestions?

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